Do you miss your dad?
Yes I do, very much. All I want is to be by his side every second, if that can only happen. Sometimes looking at his photo might be sufficient, and sometimes not. It's dangerous if you are a daddy's girl. He seems to be so close to you, and the only person that you can get pamper. I don't want to remind myself about the upcoming celebrations that involves every family member. Because it makes me more sad and I can feel that I'm hurting. I don't know, I keep too many things to myself.

And when I visited dad's grave, I cried so much and suddenly I remembered that Im not suppose to cry alot. But I felt so much better when I cried, its like Im telling him all my troubles and sorrows I had. Because, in the past I used to talk to him about my school stuffs, the problems I had with people around me, and sometimes, I just want to get that extra attention from him.

Dad is a nice person, he has alot of patience and always put the family first before him. I've spent my 19years with late dad, when i was a toddler, i would sit/lie at his lap and drank my milk, and on the same time I would 'gentel' his siku, while he and brother playing games(PS old version).

i still remember when i was a kindergarten kid, dad loves to dress me up. he would make me wear this Sarawak clothing, he would make me wear like a cow'girl', i would cry and show my tantrums when i dont want to wear that kickers sneakers. i would pretend that i already slept at the couch, but actually im not. All because I want him to carry me to my bed.

when im in my primary studies, my studies were poorly done. he didnt scream/shout/scold at me, only mother did that. dad would bring me to the car wash, and sometimes we would wash the car together. i didnt help much though. we would go cycling till SunPlaza there cause my previous house was around there too. sometimes i would hunchback him from the multi-storey all the way to my house. thats like the cutest thing a daughter and father would do.

when im in my secondary studies, i thought im old enough and dont need my father to bring me around. and i was wrong. who was the one that fetched me from school when im sick? who was the one that sent me to school when im late? who was the one that brought me to the clinic when im down with serious illness? I bet I wouldn't realise all this if dad was still here. and when i got my burssaries for 4 years, i can see his smile, he is proud of me, my parents are happy for me. Because why? Im the ugly duckling when im in my primary stages, everyone hates me cause im stupid and ugly. and now, im not.

when im in my tertiary studies and still in, i now understand the meaning of fatherly love. how important is a father to the family. how much emptiness can be feel when he's not there. i promise i would try my best, be strong to move on. in my heart, at the very corner, i would keep a small chamber and has a written on it, "Dad and me".

Gosh, as i am typing this, im like smiling to myself, feeling grateful that I had such a wonderful father. He did witness his only daughter growing up. He did his job as father, and its the best! Terima Kasih Ayah.