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One thing I would miss now during Hari Raya Aidilfitri is seeking forgiveness from late dad, feeling sober when kissing his hand. This year festive season doesn't bring any excitement to my family. We felt cheerless since on the eve of Hari Raya Eid.

For the past 18 years I never shed a tear or even bother to understand what does the Takbir Raya really means to the individual Muslim. But this year, it was different. Now I really understood what the Takbir Raya really means to every Muslim.

It was a mournful situation when my mom, brother, my aunt, and myself sitting at the table during the last of Ramadhan this year. We cried, let go the grief we had since four months ago. You will never understand how it feels losing someone that witnessed you growing up, worked so hard just to give you a perfect life.

The celebration doesn't mean anything to me without the presence of my late father. Whenever my relatives came over to my house and seek forgiveness; that sorrow feeling would suddenly come and tears would start rolling down on my cheeks. I know my late dad's siblings feel sad about their brother's death too.

I miss dad too. I just miss him very much.

Now that he is gone, money won't be able to repay his kindness and sacrifices for us. All I want to do for him now is to pray for his well-being. I pray that he would feel fine, be with the good ones, Allah forgive his sins and lighten his punishment if he has it. Insya Allah.

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